I'm not a bear...

[fingertrouble]

I've decided I'm not a bear, I'm a gay guy with a longish beard and a belly.

Why? Because it's Saturday night and (as a man who likes to go places where bearish guys hang out) I have nowhere I can go on my own without having to put up with one or all of five things:

Musclebears: Sorry, ex-squeeze me, when was a gym ever a place that a food-loving weight-confident bear should ever go? And I don't mean for health reasons, you don't take that amount of health-destroying 'roids and pump that amount of iron just to make sure you don't get late onset diabetes?

Bad Music: Pounding pounding techno music. What has this to do with cuddly bears exactly? Or anything gay? Bad DJing and shit music has turned gay London into a subculture of all it's own. One of bad music, bad drugs and bad venues...vanguards of taste, indeed. More to do with making people move faster so they drink more water/alcohol.

Too many Drugs: Not prudish (hey listen to my podcasts to hear my monged out audio experiments), but if you have to munch a vet's weekly supply to cope with any of the 5 of these, or your existence, then it's not cool it's just sad. And having to put up with (admittedly muscly and butch) queens on ketamine stumbling around does not make my night.

SM: Nothing against SM, they seem much more accepting than the bear scene...maybe that's why the bears scenes outside of London get lumped in with them (and sometimes even in London too). Makes finding a shag a sort of ironic lottery though (ooh is he actually a SM bottom, the top from hell, or Colin Self?)

Attitude: Heh not a muscle-fairy or SM-god or rugby-shirted bearded twink, and happy with your body? That's your date out of the window then...conform to the uniform, goto the gym and put up with the bad decor and music to get a shag, otherwise there's the door.

I think we should create a new group of bearded gay men nothing to do with bears.

Who's with me?

Comments

[tim-e-bear.livejournal.com]

(puts timbearcub on Out List)

Well, a fair amount of what you say is probably true. As I'm not much of a socializer, and tend to hang with people who aren't much at socializing either, I'm not in much of a position to judge.

The bears I've known aren't like the above...but I have absolutely no doubt they exist in abundance... :)

[fingertrouble.livejournal.com]

so if there are a lot not like this, why do all the clubs and bars and all that stuff cater for the few? It's not me, it's never been me, just always tried to fit into a hole that didn't fit, and I'm finally fed up of doing that.

Of being the 'face that doesn't fit'

[tim-e-bear.livejournal.com]

Well, like I said, I have a sad suspicion that there must be quite a few if that's the group to whom the clubs cater.

Not being a clubber (unless the boy consents ;) ), it's hard for me to say. From looking at the people who've registered for the Bear Run to which I am going (curiosity), there does seem to be a fair range of types going to THAT, anyway. From what I remember about the Black Eagle (not so much the Toolbox in Toronto), it DID seem to be a bit leaning towards Beautiful Bears - but I went with fellow Ugly Bears for company... :)

I'm sorry you've had a rough time. I'm not sure what to say. *vapid hug*

You seem like a decent chap to me, anyway, from what I can tell. :)

And I suppose I should have put a winking icon on that Out List remark. I was so very much kidding...

[fingertrouble.livejournal.com]

It seems to be different in Canada and the US...it's lasted to some extent.

Remember two things:

1) The UK doesn't have an active bear club anymore so

2) No-one puts on runs afaik.

The bear scene has been on a sort of down here for a while, although I noticed a sort of aloofness in SF and NY too.

[tim-e-bear.livejournal.com]

I guess I'll find out.

This is the first bear run to which I will have gone.

:)

There were two bear groups in Toronto that folded. This is a newish group started to try and revitalize things. Since I don't live in Toronto, I don't know their success rate. I DO know that the bear nights held on Friday's at a local Toronto pub are usually packed...

[paddbear.livejournal.com]

It seems to be different in Canada and the US...it's lasted to some extent.

No, it isn't all that different over here. It seems more stratified, a bit more entwined with the leather scene in that Leather=Bear an awful lot of the time. Many times you don't have one without the other.

I've come to the conclusion that it isn't Bear I like; it's Blue-Collar (I guess "working class" is the closest thing in the UK?) I guess it's the lack of artifice or guile that's refreshing. I mean, sometimes you'll see a guy on bearwww or bear411, and each photo he has is a different fetish--bear, cowboy, leather, cowboy... Who exactly is that guy? And does it even matter?

It gets pretty depressing to see the airbrushed and expertly coiffed photos in the magazines or, in real life standing and modeling at the bars and realize that you are never going to meet those standards and that those standards are what you thought you signed up for.

[fingertrouble.livejournal.com]

Sad to hear it's the same elsewhere - I suspected so; but I think there are big differences between Canadian and US and Europe bear scenes which usually get ignored - people assume it's the same everywhere. It isn't, and has never been.

nail on the head regarding the bears at the bars (I'm not going to give them the benefit by giving them a label that makes them somehow 'better' - you know what I mean - cos they're not.

I didn't sign up for any of that, I was programmed from an early age to like older men with beards; I was embarassed about it for many years when I realised that I was also sexually attracted, and the reason it took me 6-7 years to come out was that the gay scene didn't reflect that at all. So when bears came along I embraced it - it wasn't a fashion or genre thing for me.

But although I fit closest to that scene as seen from outside the gay world, inside I've never really fit. As I've said before, outside the bear scene I'm a bear, inside I'm not, so always on the periphery.

And yes before others say 'get more involved' I did around 98-2001 and experience was depressing as all-out war happened between the bear clubs; I went to the UK bear 'run' and even several of the Manchester bear events which were cool, but eventually died a death...

So I think we need an alternative! Especially in the UK, cos I think bears has died a death here or devolved into the types I detailed above. It's become a cliche, if only in commercial/organisational terms.

well...

[gorkabear.livejournal.com]

I can announce you that after my experiences in London, it's pretty much the same in Spain.

The only thing I try to do myself is, from my position as a bear event organizer, give a space for everything. Yes we had 5 night parties, but at least one didn't want to be only "house and techno" and we tried to offer some day activities (pool party, tour) to not to make it just a nightly thing.

I do have a recent similar experience like yours. When I was on the bear float during Madrid gay pride, as one of the organizers I had to ask a guy to stop sniffing thing under the TV cameras.

My conclusion is that forget the scene: just hang with the ones you like. They might be harder to find but it's worthy. I have very interesting bear friends