email woes

There was since Thursday a serious problems atm with my tjbaker.co.uk address which should have been fixed now.

If you're still having problems, email me email at my GMail address - timbearcub@.

email woes

There was since Thursday a serious problems atm with my tjbaker.co.uk address which should have been fixed now.

If you're still having problems, email me email at my GMail address - timbearcub@.

email woes

There was since Thursday a serious problems atm with my tjbaker.co.uk address which should have been fixed now.

If you're still having problems, email me email at my GMail address - timbearcub@.

email woes

There was since Thursday a serious problems atm with my tjbaker.co.uk address which should have been fixed now.

If you're still having problems, email me email at my GMail address - timbearcub@.

My relationships

A thread over at bitterlawngnome's blog got me thinking...I've fallen into a sort of accidental monogamy.

I used to (surprisingly?) shock people because I had several relationships going - this is around 2000-2003 (?) and I've always been polyamorous and open in my realtionships - I think the people (straight and more surprisingly gay) which had a problem pegged me as 'married' when John is actually my primary relationship but I do have secondaries with others, but not as a triad or quad style relationship since John isn't interested in forming other relationships (he can if he wants, but chooses not to).

It was weird to get that response from gay men tho - the response seemed mostly negative with a few (closet?) poly bears out there, few and far between. No the role models I found online weren't gay men, but polyamorous bi-women, who had their ideas about mutiple relationships, ideas about romance and general stance to be more grounded in reality and seemed sorted than most. I mean if children are a real possibility you don't go running off with the milkman or start multiple relationships with just anyone - you think with your head too first.

The poly online lists was where I heard the great phrase 'pink fluffy stupids' to describe the whole 'thinking with your heart and not your head' and passionate site to a new relationship - those ideas of romance that seem so important are in the cold light of day (or a year or two later) very stupid and sometimes very dangerous.

This is what killed the secondary relationships I had - they broke the only rule (no trying to mess with my relationship with John) and tried to upgrade their realtionships - so I cut them out of my life. Harsh but fair after many warnings.

It was only one golden rule; no other rules; and in fact they could have had all the other benefits more than my relationship with John (to explain I see John twice a week, we don't live together - something that people, usually evil bitter queens, like to tell me 'isn't a relationship' - well after 9 years of doing so it works far better than nearly all the other now-deceased relationships I've seen ) and this means actually I could see someone more than John, or maybe live together, as long as the relationship with John is respected.

What I learned is that the ideas of romance and monogamy are very esconced in the gay male world, that it's SO hard to find someone who is truly cool with spending time with someone non-exclusively. And all this 'gay marriage' debates seem to cut out all the alternative relationships out there, the poly triads and quads, the line marriages, open relationships, and try and fit it in a straight mould.

I'm politically for gay marriage, but the worry for me is that it will make illegal other forms of relationship.

But I don't see how I can meet and interact with people who see through the baggage of 'poly'; I've had friendships with couples over the last couple of years, and that seems to take the tension out, without any expected emotional return or worrying that expectations on either side are unbalanced.

There does seem to an expectation of attachment or possible relationship with single people though that I'm now really aware (and wary) of - even not expressed or even denied I've eventually found some harbour a desire for 'one true relationship' or the famous 'tall dark man' to come and sweep them off their feet.

It's totally 'romance-junkie' and their dreams probably won't come true and they'll live a more prosaic life - but I don't want to be swept up in that; or hit by the eventual shrapnel. Sad because it means I tend to shy away from forming anything with single guys, so I suppose the monogamy is not all that accidental I suppose.

I wish there was a way of meeting more guys who feel like me, who don't want to 'own' someone else, just be a part of their lives, and enjoy what is now, rather than focusing on the future or strange (to me) dreams they might have.

Sigh.

My relationships

A thread over at bitterlawngnome's blog got me thinking...I've fallen into a sort of accidental monogamy.

I used to (surprisingly?) shock people because I had several relationships going - this is around 2000-2003 (?) and I've always been polyamorous and open in my realtionships - I think the people (straight and more surprisingly gay) which had a problem pegged me as 'married' when John is actually my primary relationship but I do have secondaries with others, but not as a triad or quad style relationship since John isn't interested in forming other relationships (he can if he wants, but chooses not to).

It was weird to get that response from gay men tho - the response seemed mostly negative with a few (closet?) poly bears out there, few and far between. No the role models I found online weren't gay men, but polyamorous bi-women, who had their ideas about mutiple relationships, ideas about romance and general stance to be more grounded in reality and seemed sorted than most. I mean if children are a real possibility you don't go running off with the milkman or start multiple relationships with just anyone - you think with your head too first.

The poly online lists was where I heard the great phrase 'pink fluffy stupids' to describe the whole 'thinking with your heart and not your head' and passionate site to a new relationship - those ideas of romance that seem so important are in the cold light of day (or a year or two later) very stupid and sometimes very dangerous.

This is what killed the secondary relationships I had - they broke the only rule (no trying to mess with my relationship with John) and tried to upgrade their realtionships - so I cut them out of my life. Harsh but fair after many warnings.

It was only one golden rule; no other rules; and in fact they could have had all the other benefits more than my relationship with John (to explain I see John twice a week, we don't live together - something that people, usually evil bitter queens, like to tell me 'isn't a relationship' - well after 9 years of doing so it works far better than nearly all the other now-deceased relationships I've seen ) and this means actually I could see someone more than John, or maybe live together, as long as the relationship with John is respected.

What I learned is that the ideas of romance and monogamy are very esconced in the gay male world, that it's SO hard to find someone who is truly cool with spending time with someone non-exclusively. And all this 'gay marriage' debates seem to cut out all the alternative relationships out there, the poly triads and quads, the line marriages, open relationships, and try and fit it in a straight mould.

I'm politically for gay marriage, but the worry for me is that it will make illegal other forms of relationship.

But I don't see how I can meet and interact with people who see through the baggage of 'poly'; I've had friendships with couples over the last couple of years, and that seems to take the tension out, without any expected emotional return or worrying that expectations on either side are unbalanced.

There does seem to an expectation of attachment or possible relationship with single people though that I'm now really aware (and wary) of - even not expressed or even denied I've eventually found some harbour a desire for 'one true relationship' or the famous 'tall dark man' to come and sweep them off their feet.

It's totally 'romance-junkie' and their dreams probably won't come true and they'll live a more prosaic life - but I don't want to be swept up in that; or hit by the eventual shrapnel. Sad because it means I tend to shy away from forming anything with single guys, so I suppose the monogamy is not all that accidental I suppose.

I wish there was a way of meeting more guys who feel like me, who don't want to 'own' someone else, just be a part of their lives, and enjoy what is now, rather than focusing on the future or strange (to me) dreams they might have.

Sigh.

My relationships

A thread over at bitterlawngnome's blog got me thinking...I've fallen into a sort of accidental monogamy.

I used to (surprisingly?) shock people because I had several relationships going - this is around 2000-2003 (?) and I've always been polyamorous and open in my realtionships - I think the people (straight and more surprisingly gay) which had a problem pegged me as 'married' when John is actually my primary relationship but I do have secondaries with others, but not as a triad or quad style relationship since John isn't interested in forming other relationships (he can if he wants, but chooses not to).

It was weird to get that response from gay men tho - the response seemed mostly negative with a few (closet?) poly bears out there, few and far between. No the role models I found online weren't gay men, but polyamorous bi-women, who had their ideas about mutiple relationships, ideas about romance and general stance to be more grounded in reality and seemed sorted than most. I mean if children are a real possibility you don't go running off with the milkman or start multiple relationships with just anyone - you think with your head too first.

The poly online lists was where I heard the great phrase 'pink fluffy stupids' to describe the whole 'thinking with your heart and not your head' and passionate site to a new relationship - those ideas of romance that seem so important are in the cold light of day (or a year or two later) very stupid and sometimes very dangerous.

This is what killed the secondary relationships I had - they broke the only rule (no trying to mess with my relationship with John) and tried to upgrade their realtionships - so I cut them out of my life. Harsh but fair after many warnings.

It was only one golden rule; no other rules; and in fact they could have had all the other benefits more than my relationship with John (to explain I see John twice a week, we don't live together - something that people, usually evil bitter queens, like to tell me 'isn't a relationship' - well after 9 years of doing so it works far better than nearly all the other now-deceased relationships I've seen ) and this means actually I could see someone more than John, or maybe live together, as long as the relationship with John is respected.

What I learned is that the ideas of romance and monogamy are very esconced in the gay male world, that it's SO hard to find someone who is truly cool with spending time with someone non-exclusively. And all this 'gay marriage' debates seem to cut out all the alternative relationships out there, the poly triads and quads, the line marriages, open relationships, and try and fit it in a straight mould.

I'm politically for gay marriage, but the worry for me is that it will make illegal other forms of relationship.

But I don't see how I can meet and interact with people who see through the baggage of 'poly'; I've had friendships with couples over the last couple of years, and that seems to take the tension out, without any expected emotional return or worrying that expectations on either side are unbalanced.

There does seem to an expectation of attachment or possible relationship with single people though that I'm now really aware (and wary) of - even not expressed or even denied I've eventually found some harbour a desire for 'one true relationship' or the famous 'tall dark man' to come and sweep them off their feet.

It's totally 'romance-junkie' and their dreams probably won't come true and they'll live a more prosaic life - but I don't want to be swept up in that; or hit by the eventual shrapnel. Sad because it means I tend to shy away from forming anything with single guys, so I suppose the monogamy is not all that accidental I suppose.

I wish there was a way of meeting more guys who feel like me, who don't want to 'own' someone else, just be a part of their lives, and enjoy what is now, rather than focusing on the future or strange (to me) dreams they might have.

Sigh.

My relationships

A thread over at bitterlawngnome's blog got me thinking...I've fallen into a sort of accidental monogamy.

I used to (surprisingly?) shock people because I had several relationships going - this is around 2000-2003 (?) and I've always been polyamorous and open in my realtionships - I think the people (straight and more surprisingly gay) which had a problem pegged me as 'married' when John is actually my primary relationship but I do have secondaries with others, but not as a triad or quad style relationship since John isn't interested in forming other relationships (he can if he wants, but chooses not to).

It was weird to get that response from gay men tho - the response seemed mostly negative with a few (closet?) poly bears out there, few and far between. No the role models I found online weren't gay men, but polyamorous bi-women, who had their ideas about mutiple relationships, ideas about romance and general stance to be more grounded in reality and seemed sorted than most. I mean if children are a real possibility you don't go running off with the milkman or start multiple relationships with just anyone - you think with your head too first.

The poly online lists was where I heard the great phrase 'pink fluffy stupids' to describe the whole 'thinking with your heart and not your head' and passionate site to a new relationship - those ideas of romance that seem so important are in the cold light of day (or a year or two later) very stupid and sometimes very dangerous.

This is what killed the secondary relationships I had - they broke the only rule (no trying to mess with my relationship with John) and tried to upgrade their realtionships - so I cut them out of my life. Harsh but fair after many warnings.

It was only one golden rule; no other rules; and in fact they could have had all the other benefits more than my relationship with John (to explain I see John twice a week, we don't live together - something that people, usually evil bitter queens, like to tell me 'isn't a relationship' - well after 9 years of doing so it works far better than nearly all the other now-deceased relationships I've seen ) and this means actually I could see someone more than John, or maybe live together, as long as the relationship with John is respected.

What I learned is that the ideas of romance and monogamy are very esconced in the gay male world, that it's SO hard to find someone who is truly cool with spending time with someone non-exclusively. And all this 'gay marriage' debates seem to cut out all the alternative relationships out there, the poly triads and quads, the line marriages, open relationships, and try and fit it in a straight mould.

I'm politically for gay marriage, but the worry for me is that it will make illegal other forms of relationship.

But I don't see how I can meet and interact with people who see through the baggage of 'poly'; I've had friendships with couples over the last couple of years, and that seems to take the tension out, without any expected emotional return or worrying that expectations on either side are unbalanced.

There does seem to an expectation of attachment or possible relationship with single people though that I'm now really aware (and wary) of - even not expressed or even denied I've eventually found some harbour a desire for 'one true relationship' or the famous 'tall dark man' to come and sweep them off their feet.

It's totally 'romance-junkie' and their dreams probably won't come true and they'll live a more prosaic life - but I don't want to be swept up in that; or hit by the eventual shrapnel. Sad because it means I tend to shy away from forming anything with single guys, so I suppose the monogamy is not all that accidental I suppose.

I wish there was a way of meeting more guys who feel like me, who don't want to 'own' someone else, just be a part of their lives, and enjoy what is now, rather than focusing on the future or strange (to me) dreams they might have.

Sigh.