Scruff and stuff
Jan. 13th, 2011 01:04 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fingertroubleYes I'm on Scruff...Bearbook, now Scruff...just call me sheep. Baa...well goat, horny goat.
I do have a question though:
If you want to meet 'just for a pint' and not for a shag or romantic reasons, why would my partner be a reason to pull out of said meeting?
I find the strange attitude to partnered people on such sites odd...I mean Scruff like Gaydar (which can be equally weird) isn't called Lovey Fwuffy Wuffy Long Term Partnerkins, it's a site you go to for linking up with shags...or chats/friends. Happy with either...but boyfriend/partner material? Unlikely. So why the 'don't even talk to me unless you're single!' especially when my profile says 'Just here for fun' and also the above person contacted me...I hadn't put my partnered status on my profile yet, I'd just joined...and did so and alerted him to the fact cos he had something about 'if you're a romantic flirty type, don't be partnered' - well, I wasn't being romantically flirty since that's the last fucking thing I want (short story if you didn't pick it up elsewhere: John 2 dumped me before Xmas) and we were meeting 'just for a chat' remember? So I thought he might be OK with that.
So why the oddness like I had some disease or something? Grr. Then again, I learned from the J2 experience that gay men are 99.999% fucked in the head, they say one thing (yes poly is fine, no I am not jealous, no I don't want you exclusively) and then proceed to do the exact opposite while still saying the same. The only person I know not to do this and whom I love even more now after all this is John 1, my long-suffering partner...he truly cares yet does not play those games...hence why in March it's 14 years, and other people are dust.
But hey I just want additional no-drama no-relationship no-weird-clinginess no-strings shags? Is that so fucking hard? Grr.
I do have a question though:
If you want to meet 'just for a pint' and not for a shag or romantic reasons, why would my partner be a reason to pull out of said meeting?
I find the strange attitude to partnered people on such sites odd...I mean Scruff like Gaydar (which can be equally weird) isn't called Lovey Fwuffy Wuffy Long Term Partnerkins, it's a site you go to for linking up with shags...or chats/friends. Happy with either...but boyfriend/partner material? Unlikely. So why the 'don't even talk to me unless you're single!' especially when my profile says 'Just here for fun' and also the above person contacted me...I hadn't put my partnered status on my profile yet, I'd just joined...and did so and alerted him to the fact cos he had something about 'if you're a romantic flirty type, don't be partnered' - well, I wasn't being romantically flirty since that's the last fucking thing I want (short story if you didn't pick it up elsewhere: John 2 dumped me before Xmas) and we were meeting 'just for a chat' remember? So I thought he might be OK with that.
So why the oddness like I had some disease or something? Grr. Then again, I learned from the J2 experience that gay men are 99.999% fucked in the head, they say one thing (yes poly is fine, no I am not jealous, no I don't want you exclusively) and then proceed to do the exact opposite while still saying the same. The only person I know not to do this and whom I love even more now after all this is John 1, my long-suffering partner...he truly cares yet does not play those games...hence why in March it's 14 years, and other people are dust.
But hey I just want additional no-drama no-relationship no-weird-clinginess no-strings shags? Is that so fucking hard? Grr.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2011-01-13 01:32 am (UTC)Guy #1 to BF: Honey, tomorrow night I'm meeting my chat buddy for a pint"
BF to guy #1: OMG! Why are you going to spend time with another guy and not me! Are you in love with him? Are you going to dump me? Aaaaaagggghhhh!"
(no subject)
Date: 2011-01-13 01:36 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-01-13 01:40 am (UTC)Well not all relationships are like that...mine isn't it's more:
Me: Oh I'm meeting that guy I mentioned tomorrow...
John: Oh? Well have fun...Maybe I'll get some sleep tonight then
Me: Not likely
John: *eyeroil*
And people on profile sites are adults.
As I put it elsewhere, I didn't quiz the shags I had in parks and toilets when I was younger of men with rings on their fingers about their marital/partnered status...I see no real difference between those hookups and online hookups...if it's about sex it's about sex...you decide later if you want more and if it's feasible. I doubt those being all strange with partnered guys did either.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-01-13 01:41 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-01-13 01:42 am (UTC)And people on profile sites are adults.
Date: 2011-01-13 09:04 am (UTC)Chuck
(no subject)
Date: 2011-01-13 03:12 pm (UTC)The attitude is especially bothersome in the 20somethings just coming up in the bear world. They all want boyfriends. They all want monogamy, and picket fences, shared bank accounts, 2.5 cats and instant domesticity.
Yet you see them switch so-called monogamous "partners" practically every other week anyway. And heaven forbid, you should point out this little anomaly, like I have in the past. Then you make it onto the "Never fuck him, EVER!" list, of which I seem to be a permanent resident.
That's the reason my 411 profile starts with the question: "Where are the bears that just like to have little ol' fashioned sex?"
What I wouldn't give for a regular NSA fuckbuddy at this point . . . *sigh*