Goodbye, goodbye

[fingertrouble]

Goodbye to partner #2, John in Cambridge, who couldn't trust me to be not shagging around when I said I wasn't. Even though it was polygamous (yes you can join me all in a WTF?). Someone who had nothing in common except great sex, but had to lose what he had with petty jealousy and insecurities.

Hope you have a nice life; it makes me even more grateful for John #1 now the only person who stuck with me for nearly 14 years without this kind of drama, despite our ups and downs.

A good man, and one I owe so much to, who never did bullshit like this, and never tried to possess me or try to own me, my soulmate and someone who gave me freedom and thus I freely give my love to...because he never played those games. That means so much to me...especially in this moment.

Comments

[whyaduck.livejournal.com]

Sorry Tim. It sounded great at the start.

[fingertrouble.livejournal.com]

It was...he just turned out to have a lot of neuroses and trust issues...and kept trying to upgrade the relationship from day 1...I was remarkably patient and laid back really.

But when he started doing the jealousy bit I was like 'uh oh that isn't going to work...'

[maxauburn.livejournal.com]

*ULTRA-HUGS*

[fargonrob.livejournal.com]

Glad to hear you and your prime have weathered this and still have each other.

Polyamory is not for everyone, and it is all about trusting each other and understanding yourself. Sounds like #2 lacked some of those qualities.

*HUGS*

[fingertrouble.livejournal.com]

that's why it broke down, trust. If you can't be honest and trust someone you're right it doesn't work.

Also he from the first week (!) was mentioning marriage (partnership) and moving in together, and it never went away despite me patiently pointing out that there was a partner with first call on both of those, we'd just met anyway, and we were totally different people...he was a neat freak and went a bit nuclear last weekend when I visited cos I left water on the floor after a shower...many of those, which both of us pointed to as being reasons for not living together (if it had been possible, or the right time)but still he kept trying to upgrade the relationship.

Sad cos initially from what he said he seemed perfect, not jealous and not crazy...turned out to be a neurotic neat freak with trust issues and a bad temper...*sigh*

I've reached the 'glad to be rid' stage as you might have guessed. Sad though.

[hickbear.livejournal.com]

Sorry, hon. Having been hit by the shrapnel of the breakup of my hubby's other relationship earlier this year, this sucks. And doesn't have the decency to swallow.

{{{Hugs}}}, sweetie. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this kind of shit.

[fingertrouble.livejournal.com]

Yeah I know you've been there...nice thing is it's made me appreciate how good and wonderfully non-crazy John (formerly 1, now just John) is.

I think all my poly forays have done that, actually strengthened my relationship with him rather than weakened it like some would suggest.

ugh.

[eskanto]

I'm sorry.

Like you said, though, at least you had it good once, so you know to hold out for better than this. Some guys would have put up with it just to have someone.

But being able to respect and value yourself is more important, in my opinion.

also, WTF at cheating in a poly relationship. How does that work?

Re: ugh.

[fingertrouble.livejournal.com]

you're asking me...I started having to explain that my friends were like, uhh, only friends? There was other issues around that, but still jokey comments about 'divorcing' me or cutting my bollocks off if I played with someone else was a little, well, disconcerting...

Re: ugh.

[fingertrouble.livejournal.com]

And I think the bloke was actually all kinds of crazy really, I'm much too nice and tolerant when I like someone...his previous relationships all short (few months to a year - at 75?!?), can see why now...