Intergen relationships...

[fingertrouble]

Sad to hear the news about Kevin Clash (puppeteer of Elmo, apparently someone is accusing him of having underage sex at 16, but he says and so do his employer who investigated it was legal and older), In my country 16 is the age of consent, and sounds like he did the decent thing and waited before starting a relationship when it was legal there too. Sadly I bet the mud flinging will stick even if wins the case :-(

What disturbs me more is the moralising over this and other recent younger/older 'scandals' or underage or near-underage sex - like the witchhunt over DJs (un)related to the Savile case that having even a legal age gap is somehow automatically wrong, or dirty, or 'ewww'. The gay scene is not really the same as the straight world, and younger guys do go for older men for a variety of reasons (as do girls).

It doesn't automatically mean something wrong, or an abuse of power, or monetary etc. Obviously going for 'chicken' - young guys all the time can be a little sad for much older guys, some do and you wonder about maturity and power differences but that doesn't mean all intergenerational relationships are somehow power dysfunctional or immature? Or they're all wrong just because of some arbitrary and cultural idea of a proper age gap? Depends on the maturity of those involved, and it's far from a one-way street - John has learned as much from me as I have from him. Ditto in any of the other relationships I've had - with bigger age gaps some of them.

Saddened that I thought a lot of this judgemental BS about intergen relationships like mine (27 years age gap, I met him when I was 23...I picked him up ;-) had been dropped years ago. I used to get people pulling faces and looking shocked or just dropping the conversation or avoiding me, a bit like gay used to be. Also having open relationships and not living together had a similar reaction (now trendy cos the straights do it now, they had to brand it so it's called a LAT (Living Apart Together) relationship. Ahh, bless ;-)

It also goes to show you that given the supposed liberal/left-wing or more supposedly open-minded societies actually it doesn't take very much still to get a shocked reaction. It does seem younger/older is being setup as a new evil - which it is if it includes abuse, power issues, coercion etc. But none of those are restricted to particularly these relationships - and to condemn the fact that younger people want to date older for some strange and cultural societal norm is rather taking their choices away. Inform them - as I got family etc 'concerned' that I was being taken advantage of, which made me LOL since I was very much the one who chased John and not the other way round - but don't treat it as some sort of taboo.

Comments

[viridescence13]

The age of consent here varies depending on the state, usually between 16 and 18 but there can be all kinds of exceptions and conditions placed upon it too (if the people involved are younger but close in age, for example, or if one of them is in a position of authority or power over the other). But you are right, even if it was a consensual relationship and totally legal, he'll still be vilified for it. And in a way that he would not be if he were female, even. And that's just pathetic. Of course people with big age differences, gay or not, can have healthy relationships. But my attitude has always been that consenting adults can do whatever the hell they want provided that there is no abuse, coercion, etc., as you say.

[topher-fox.livejournal.com]

I was actually shoked at how "offended" for lack of a better term, some people get over that. I mean, I'm 25, and before we broke up, my boyfriend was 19. Couple of times out at gay bars here and it would come up in conversation, and people would look at me like I was some kind of freak or monster for dating someone just 6 years younger than I was.