I live in a smaller city (Much smaller) and I find that people assume that we automatically hang out with the "other" bear couple in the area. Like you,I just find myself not joining, but just picking and choosing from neighbors, coworkers, relatives, online friends, etc. If I get together with some people who identify as bears, it is just like any other social situation, I am not there to become part of some clique, but meet and talk to friends.